Love and...Series
by manette
Summary: Harm and Mac try to get it right
1. Default Chapter

Love and Barstools- part 1 of a 3 part series  
  
Author: manette- feedback to manetjt@aol.com  
  
Rating: pg-13  
  
Spoilers: Everything through First Casualty  
  
Disclaimer: Jag doesn't belong to me but I hope that nice Mr. DPB will let me play with it for a while.  
  
Summary: Harm and Mac try to get it right.  
  
  
  
Love and Barstools  
  
He sat on a barstool, nursing a beer, and watched her through hooded eyes. She hadn't seen him when she came in so he was free to look all he wanted. And he wanted.  
  
She was playing pool with a couple of guys that he didn't recognize. They had come into McMurphy's together, laughing -the men hanging on her every word. Obviously smitten.  
  
He didn't blame them nor could he object to the way every man in the place seemed to be mesmerized, pausing with their drink halfway to their mouth whenever she leaned over the table to take a shot. The black long sleeved sweater was tight and had a round neckline that was not immodest but low enough to make him sweat. Even from across the bar he could see that the black velvet jeans were snug in all the right places but when she bent over he let out a low groan. From any angle the view was glorious.  
  
She seemed to be having fun and he knew she needed that. Life had been too serious for a long time now. That was partly his fault, and partly hers too, but placing blame didn't change anything and they were finally on friendly terms again.  
  
He sighed thinking about how much more he wanted, but friendly was better than the way things had been.  
  
Breathing was easier.  
  
His doctor had warned him about residual breathing problems from the hours he spent in the ocean but he knew that his real breathing problems started when he came back from Rene's father's funeral to find her gone.  
  
He could feel her slipping away from him and he knew that he wouldn't be able to take a deep breath until she was home. Desperate to fix things, his efforts had been clumsy and ill timed. The more he pushed, the more she pulled away.  
  
When he thought about life without her he felt like he was drowning all over again.  
  
Then as surely as that diver had saved him by pulling him from the ocean into the helicopter, she had saved him with a small smile and an offer of a new beginning.  
  
He grinned as she celebrated her last shot with an uncharacteristic squeal and high fives for everyone in the vicinity. She was accepting congratulations and laughing at some remark when she spotted him across the bar. She froze momentarily, then seemed to recover herself and waved. He waved back but didn't approach her. She was enjoying herself. He wouldn't intrude.  
  
It looked like they were leaving anyway. He watched as one of the men helped her put on her jacket, his hands lingering a little too long, then nodded as she said something and gestured toward the bar. She walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Hi." She said almost shyly.  
  
"Hi, Mac." He smiled and turned on his bar stool to face her. "You look like you're having a good time."  
  
She moved so that she stood between his legs and surprised him by throwing her arms around his neck. "Act like you're glad to see me," she whispered.  
  
Not one to miss an opportunity, his hands went to her waist and his lips found her ear as he whispered back, "I am glad to see you. Why are we whispering?"  
  
"Just play along, okay?" She pulled back and shot him a beseeching look.  
  
He answered with a conspiratorial grin. "Okay, I'm in. What's the game?" His thumbs were resting on her hipbones and his fingers fanned out with feathery pressure on her back keeping her close.  
  
She didn't answer his question but leaned in and brushed her lips against his and murmured, "I'm going to hate myself for this later."  
  
Priding himself on being a team player, he kissed her back, deepening the kiss when she would have pulled away, spearing his fingers into her hair and holding her still.  
  
He finally let her go and in a somewhat dazed voice asked, "Did we win?"  
  
"Not yet," she said in a warning voice as she jerked her head toward the two approaching men.  
  
"Give me a clue here, Mac. What's going on?"  
  
"I'll explain later. Just act like.." she paused then with a wry look continued, "Just pretend I'm yours."  
  
The words hung in the air as they stared at each other.  
  
Finally she forced herself to turn and face her friends. "Hey Joe, Brian- I want you to meet Harm." Mac smiled at everyone while the men exchanged hellos and sized each other up. "He can give me a ride home so you guys can go on to some other clubs." She stayed between Harm's legs, one hand splayed possessively on his upper thigh. His hand had gone from her back to her stomach and as her words reverberated in his brain he staked his claim by pulling her back against him. Her rear end was snug against his groin and the effect of having her so close was unmistakable  
  
.  
  
The one named Joe was openly disappointed that the evening wouldn't be ending as he had hoped. "Come on, Mac. You don't want to go home yet. It's still early." He glared at Harm who he clearly blamed for ruining his plans.  
  
Harm responded by wrapping his free arm across her collarbone and pulling her to his chest. "Yeah, Mac, it is early." He nuzzled her hair and whispered, "Still plenty of time for lots of things." When he looked back at Joe his smile was smug and dangerously territorial.  
  
Brian sensing trouble was more diplomatic, "That's okay, Mac. It was great to see you again."  
  
Mac smiled at him with real affection. "I'm really glad you called me Brian. E-mail me once you're settled."  
  
"I will. Let's go, Joe." With a wave from Brian and a glare from Joe the two men left the bar.  
  
Mac stayed between Harm's legs until she was sure they were gone, and then she turned and patted him on the cheek. "Thanks, Harm."  
  
He narrowed his eyes as she hopped up onto the stool beside him. "What was that all about anyway?" He was still aroused from having her so close and was feeling a little grumpy now that she had moved away.  
  
"Brian is an old friend and he was in town visiting his brother. Joe was getting a little too friendly but I didn't want to embarrass Brian. I was just trying to let Joe down easy," she said with a grin, "and you were handy."  
  
"So you were just using me?" he groused.  
  
"Yep" She didn't act the least bit sorry. "Besides, you enjoyed it. Admit it."  
  
"You're awfully sure of yourself, Colonel. I'll admit that I enjoyed having the Marines beg the Navy for help."  
  
Mac gave him a knowing smile. "Is that all you enjoyed?"  
  
He squirmed uncomfortably. She was doing it again. Throwing out these flirtatious remarks that he would take in stride from any other woman, but this was Mac and he couldn't be casual about her. This was the point where he usually screwed things up with some cryptic comment. The last time she'd ended up with a ring from another man so he needed to choose his words carefully.  
  
On the other hand being careful had gotten him nowhere. Maybe it was time to give her a little of her own medicine. His eyes gleamed and his bearing became slightly arrogant as he arrived at his decision. Mac was about to experience the famous Rabb charm in all its glory. He almost felt sorry for her.  
  
"Actually, what I enjoyed the most, Mac," her name came out like a sigh as he leaned into her space, "was the soft little sound you made when I was kissing you. Thinking about that sound could keep me awake all night."  
  
Her eyes widened and her lips parted at his unexpected remark. Intense blue- green eyes focused on her as if she were the only thing in the world that mattered. And she was. The truth of that was in his eyes for her to see.  
  
She smiled seductively and in that moment regained the upper hand. "Take me home, Harm. I know some really good lullabies." 


	2. Love and the Long Way Home

LOVE AND THE LONG WAY HOME  
  
She hadn't known that eyes could turn black, but Harm's did as they melted into hers. Then before she knew what was happening he had slapped some money down on the bar, dragged her off the barstool by her wrist and hauled her out the front door of McMurphy's.  
  
"Where are we going?" she yelped. She was almost running to keep up with his long strides.  
  
"Please, Mac," his voice was pleading, "don't say anything right now."  
  
"Then slow down, Harm."  
  
He stopped suddenly and she plowed into him as he turned to face her. "I don't want to slow down. I don't want to back pedal and I don't want to start over…" he turned and started marching down the street again. "I just want you to get in the car and be quiet."  
  
He let go of her wrist and unlocked the car door. She sat down and just stared at the madman who had replaced Harmon Rabb, Jr. He got in on the driver's side and started the car. He looked at her as if he wanted to say something, then just shook his head and said, "Put on your seatbelt."  
  
"Yes, sir." That earned her a glare so she sat quietly as he pulled into traffic. He seemed to be waging some inner battle with himself, so she decided not to push him. She would wait at least until they got to her apartment before she demanded to know what the hell was going on.  
  
He drove with a grim expression on his face, clearly not wanting to talk, so she leaned back against the headrest and openly watched him. In all the years she'd known him, she never got tired of just looking at him. He was gorgeous- that was a given, but it was more than that. He could be passionate, obstinate, cocky, tender-sometimes all at the same time. No question, he could be infuriating but all of that was what made him Harm.  
  
He was her touchstone and if they were never any more to each other than they were right now, that wouldn't change.  
  
One thing had changed though. She wouldn't lie to herself anymore about what she wanted. She wanted Harm.  
  
Playing pool with the guys at McMurphy's had been fun. It was one of those nights that happened occasionally where her feminine side had taken over. She wasn't a Marine. She wasn't a lawyer. She was just a woman having a good time. She could feel the men in the bar watching her and it was flattering. She'd enjoyed the attention and played to it a little, but it felt empty simply because the one man whose attention she ached for wasn't there.  
  
And then as if she'd conjured him, she saw him across the bar. He was watching her with that hot, heavy look, his eyes all but devouring her. She'd thrown herself at him with that feeble, transparent excuse of needing his help to get rid of Joe. She didn't know if he'd bought it, but he'd played along. And then he'd kissed her and it was all she could do not to crawl into his lap and wrap her legs around him right there on the barstool. His mouth on hers, his hands in her hair, oh my… She moaned, reliving the moment.  
  
Hoping he hadn't heard her, she straightened in her seat and for the first time noticed the passing landscape. Without thinking she placed a hand on his thigh and said, "Harm, this isn't the way to my place."  
  
He slammed on the brakes. "Mac, do you want me to have a wreck?" He pointedly removed her hand from his leg and put it back in her own lap.  
  
She looked around grateful that they were on a deserted side street. "Hey buddy, I'm not the one who stopped in the middle of the road for no reason. You're nuts. Did you know that?" She was smiling when she said it.  
  
"You're driving me nuts." He looked like he wanted to strangle her, but instead he started driving again.  
  
She still couldn't imagine what was going on in his head. She would admit that she had flirted outrageously with him, but Harmon Rabb attracted women like ants to a picnic, so a little come on from her wasn't going to rattle him. In fact, he had been flirting right back and then suddenly he was dragging her out of the bar and running down the street like a maniac.  
  
"Was it something I said?" she asked innocently  
  
The car came to another sudden stop. He turned and looked at her as if he couldn't believe that she had opened her mouth again. The incredulous look on his face was priceless and Mac giggled before she could stop herself. She put her hand over her mouth and tried to look serious. "Sorry."  
  
Her eyes were dancing and she coughed to cover another laugh.  
  
"Mac, I am trying, despite great obstacles, to drive to my apartment." He spoke patiently as if speaking to a wayward child. "But if you keep asking questions we will never get there. Now if you could just give me the courtesy of a little quiet until we arrive…." He trailed off realizing how lame he sounded. His eyes were pleading, if not for understanding at least for cooperation.  
  
Mac sobered and nodded her agreement. She pantomimed zipping her lips, locking them, then with a flourish put the pretend key down the front of her sweater.  
  
He closed his eyes briefly, then muttered, "Why me?" before they started moving once again.  
  
Mac was totally bewildered. She'd never seen him so flustered. Harm could fly a plane with his hands tied behind his back. He could drive a car standing on his head and he was acting as if her asking a few measly questions was more dangerous than driving at night without lights.  
  
Finally they pulled up in front of Harm's building and parked. He leaned his head back against the headrest and took several deep breaths before risking a glance in her direction. She sat there wide-eyed and silent, waiting for his next move.  
  
"Sorry, Mac, I know I'm acting a little crazy. "  
  
She raised her eyebrows. That was an understatement. "Am I allowed to talk now?"  
  
He grinned sheepishly. "Sorry about that. Can we just go inside?"  
  
"Persuade me," she whispered silkily. They stared at each other, the darkness inside the car wrapping around them, closing out the rest of the world.  
  
He picked up her hand and brought her fingertips to his lips and kissed them softly his eyes never leaving hers.  
  
"All the running and driving and starting and stopping kind of ruined the mood." She said breathlessly as he rubbed her fingers across his bottom lip.  
  
"Do you know how beautiful you are, Mac?"  
  
She closed her eyes and savored his words. "You're just trying to distract me so I won't make you explain your bizarre behavior. Besides I bet you say that to all your friends…" her words trailed off. She couldn't concentrate when he was sucking lightly on her finger.  
  
"Only Sturgis," he said as he began a full assault of kisses on the palm of her hand. "But then we go way back."  
  
"Oh look, charming Harm has replaced crazy Harm again!" She teased, but then grew serious. "Harm, what happened back there?  
  
He stopped kissing her hand and looked down. "I don't know exactly. I panicked, I guess. Things with us get so complicated."  
  
"So I've been told." Mac said with resignation. They had been down this road before.  
  
"Mac," he said softly forcing her to look at him. " I wasn't running away. Well, I was, but at least this time I took you with me."  
  
"Yes, your caveman routine was very impressive." Mac sighed wistfully.  
  
"I just thought we needed to be alone…away from the bar, away from any distractions."  
  
"You could have just asked me, Harm." Sheesh. She had been sending pretty clear signals all night. Did he really think she would've said no?  
  
"If you were any other woman I could have just taken you up on what you were offering." He spoke fiercely, his eyes begging her to understand. "But I couldn't, not with you, Mac."  
  
"I know." Her voice was soft and sad. " You have made it clear on several occasions how 'resistible' you find me."  
  
"Is that really what you think?" He sounded shocked. "My God, I spend the better part of my time at work trying to keep myself from trapping you against some file cabinet and doing unspeakable things to you."  
  
It was her turn to be shocked. "You do?" A slow smile was spreading across her face.  
  
"I'm ashamed to admit it, but I do." Seeing her smile he relaxed and grinned back.  
  
"Unspeakable things, huh? The mind reels." She sighed and her eyes turned smoky.  
  
"Don't look at me like that. I'm not through explaining…" he trailed off getting lost in her gaze.  
  
Mac suddenly looked away and started taking off her seat belt.  
  
"What are doing, Mac"  
  
She opened her car door. "I'm ready to go inside."  
  
"Okay," Harm said as he opened his door, too. "But I'm not through explaining and there are several things we still need to discuss." He hurried after her as she headed for the front door of his building.  
  
Mac glanced back at him as she opened the door. As she disappeared inside she asked suggestively, "Hey, Harm, don't you have a file cabinet in your apartment?"  
  
The door closed in his face before he could recover enough to follow her. 


	3. Love and the Next Hundred Years

Love and the Next Hundred Years  
  
Harm caught up to Mac as the elevator arrived. They entered and the doors closed on the silent couple. He stood apart, not touching her, his eyes straight ahead. They had taken this ride many times through the years, but Harm knew that this time was different and after this night, for better or worse, they would probably both be different, too.  
  
Harm allowed himself a quick glance in her direction. She winked. He immediately looked away. His heart was pounding and his fists were clenched from the effort it took to keep his hands to himself. All he wanted was to grab Mac, shove her against the elevator wall and kiss her until next Tuesday.  
  
But he wouldn't. They needed to talk. And she could tempt him all she wanted, but he was going to be the mature one.  
  
It had taken too many years and they had gone through too many misunderstandings to get to this moment and he wasn't going to ruin it by giving in to his raging lust. He was an adult, not a teenager, and he promised himself he would act like one.  
  
He wouldn't kiss her even if it killed him.  
  
They got out of the elevator and he unlocked his front door, allowing Mac to enter first. He followed her into the dark apartment and shut the door. She paused a few feet inside and as he turned from the door he brushed against her.  
  
That small innocent touch was his undoing.  
  
Before he could stop himself he had trapped her against the front door and his mouth collided with hers. "Mac," he breathed her name as his lips found hers again and again. He savored her whimper of pleasure as she wrapped her arms around his neck and opened her mouth for his assault. Her fingers tangled in his hair as she tried to pull him closer. He angled his head to find more of her and she pressed her body to him in surrender.  
  
A nagging voice in his head was trying to remind him that they needed to talk before things went any further. His aching body ignored the voice as he molded himself around her, but finally it was his heart that won the battle. Mac was too important to him.  
  
He would stop kissing her even if it killed him.  
  
With super human effort he broke contact with her mouth and leaned his forehead against hers. Breathing hard and with his eyes closed, he groaned, "I promised myself I wouldn't do that."  
  
"That's one promise I'm glad you didn't keep." Mac whispered.  
  
He untangled himself from her arms and walked across the room to turn on a lamp. He needed to put some distance between them if he was going to be able to think straight. He turned back to her and the sight was one he would see in his dreams. She lounged against the door all bruised lips and liquid eyes. Her sweater was rumpled from his improper advances and she straightened it as she walked toward him.  
  
"Why is this so hard for you, Harm?" she asked gently.  
  
He laughed harshly. "It would be the easiest thing in the world to pick you up and carry you to bed."  
  
"Here I am", she said playfully as she held out her arms.  
  
"Behave, Mac," he begged. "There are things we need to talk about first."  
  
Brushing a stray lock of hair from his forehead, she grew serious. "Okay, Harm, I'm listening."  
  
"Let's sit down," he suggested as he guided her to the couch.  
  
She settled into one corner of the couch and waited.  
  
He sat beside her and studied his hands as he began talking. "When we agreed to start over I'm afraid some issues got swept under the rug, and I think we need to deal with them."  
  
Looking at her intently he continued. "This last year has been a nightmare for us, but despite everything our friendship survived. I think it's stronger than it's ever been."  
  
She nodded her agreement.  
  
"I also think it's obvious that we want more than friendship from each other."  
  
"Painfully obvious." Mac echoed with a sigh.  
  
He smiled determined not to let her distract him. "Anyway, we can't just act like last year never happened. There are too many questions we never asked each other. I really believe if we're going to have a chance, Mac, we have to ask the questions."  
  
"And what if we don't like the answers?" she asked hesitantly.  
  
"Courage, Marine. I'll even let you ask the first question."  
  
"Okay, but I have to throw my arms around you first." Launching herself at him she asked, "Harm, are you alright?"  
  
"You've lost me." He laughed as he returned her embrace.  
  
She nestled her head beneath his chin and said softly. "That's what I wanted to do in the hospital after you were rescued. I was so scared, Harm. You nearly died and I needed to touch you, but there were so many other people there, Rene, Mic…and I had no right.  
  
He leaned back to see her face and said, "The first person I thought of when I woke up was you, but then I remembered your wedding and figured you were off on your honeymoon somewhere. I was so happy when you walked into my room. I needed to see you, to talk to you, but Rene was hovering and I couldn't even remember her. Mic was looming in the background. I just wanted to shout at everyone to go away and leave us alone…but I had no right."  
  
They sat quietly sharing the painful memory, but finding comfort in each other's arms.  
  
"My turn," Harm said. "If Mic hadn't gone back to Australia, would you have married him?"  
  
He felt her stiffen and try to pull away.  
  
"Yes, I would have married him."  
  
Hearing her words, he let her go. "Do you still love him?"  
  
"Harm..."  
  
"Don't tell me it's a question I don't get to ask, Mac. Do you still love Mic?"  
  
"You know what I loved? I loved the way he wanted me. I loved the way he acted like I was the only woman on earth that mattered. He gave up everything for me and that was intoxicating." She hesitated, "But, no, I don't love Mic. I'm not proud of it but I'm not sure I ever did. Grand romantic gestures aren't enough to build a life around."  
  
Relief washed over him at her words. "Then why would you have married him?"  
  
"I thought I loved him and I felt guilty about the way I treated him when your plane crashed. I went a little crazy, you know?" She grabbed for his hand and held on tightly. "He tried to help me but I wouldn't let him. I would have married him for all the wrong reason. Duty, obligation- because I said I would. It would have been a disaster. He did us both a favor when he left."  
  
"I thank God everyday that you didn't marry him." He brought her hand to his face and rubbed it against his cheek.  
  
"Next question." Mac stated suddenly. "If your plane hadn't gone down, would you have tried to stop the wedding?"  
  
It was Harm's turn to pull away. "Ah, the ultimate grand romantic gesture."  
  
He stood up and paced around in front of the couch. "Let's see, I burst through the church doors right as the preacher asks if anyone objects, then I throw you over my shoulder and we fly off into the sunset."  
  
He stopped in front of her and said plainly, "You want me to be honest, right? It's not as if the idea never occurred to me, but, no, I wouldn't have stopped the wedding."  
  
"I knew I wouldn't like all the answers," She wouldn't look at him.  
  
He sat back down and reached for her. "I thought marrying him was what you wanted, Mac,"  
  
"I guess I had everyone fooled, even myself." She sounded resigned and leaned her head against his shoulder.  
  
"The night he left, I wanted to hold you so badly." Harm whispered against her hair.  
  
"Rene needed you that night." Mac reminded him.  
  
"I couldn't believe you were gone when I got back from the funeral."  
  
"I needed the time to think about everything, Harm. That was the only smart decision I'd made in months."  
  
"When you asked me if I would give up Rene, my answer was yes, but you'd already left the room."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked clearly surprised by the information.  
  
"You didn't seem very pleased with my visit and I guess I was feeling a little foolish. I thought maybe I had misread what was between us."  
  
"I'm sorry, Harm. I just wasn't ready to deal with everything yet."  
  
"I'm sorry I pushed you before you were ready."  
  
Harm was beginning to wonder if this had been such a good idea. Dredging up all these unresolved feelings was exhausting and it had certainly put a damper on the earlier mood.  
  
"Any other questions we need to cover?" Mac asked gamely. She looked like she would rather have her teeth drilled.  
  
Harm leaned his head against hers and stared straight ahead. "I have one. Do you know what Rene asked me a few weeks before your wedding?"  
  
Mac sat up so she could see him. "I have no idea."  
  
"She asked me if you were my dream girl."  
  
Mac's eyes widened. "Why in the world would she ask you that?"  
  
"I called her by your name at an inopportune moment."  
  
"You didn't?" Mac gasped then giggled. "You did?"  
  
"Yep," he confessed. "She told me to get you out of my dreams and I should have told her right then that that would be impossible. If I live to be one hundred, whether we are together or have gone our separate ways, I'll never stop dreaming about you, Mac."  
  
They were cuddled together nose to nose by the time he finished his last admission.  
  
"A hundred years is lot of time to dream, Harm. I can think of better things to do with all those hours in bed."  
  
He kissed her on the nose before standing up and sweeping her into his arms and heading for the bedroom. "Really? Well, I'm not getting any younger, so we better get started."  
  
"Finally," Mac sighed as she wound her arms around his neck. "I was wondering what a girl had to do to get a little action around here."  
  
He tossed her onto the bed then followed her down. With an arm on either side of her head he gazed seriously into her eyes. " I love you, Mac."  
  
She ran her hands down the length of his back and sighed. "I love you, too, Harm."  
  
He bent his head to kiss her, but before his lips met hers she asked, "So, I'm your dream girl, huh?"  
  
"I'm never going to hear the end of that, am I?"  
  
"Not in this lifetime," she murmured as his lips captured hers.  
  
That was enough talking for one night.  
  
  
  
The End  
  
  
  
. 


End file.
